Al-Fatihah..
A short introduction. I’m Steve Holmes, and I am a Software Developer working for Macer Media and The Sacramento Press who was kind enough to indulge my request to write a memorial of my wife Azlina so that I and others who knew her might take a step in the grieving process.
On Thursday December 30th in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, my wife Azlina and our unborn son, Asyref (“Ash”), died suddenly from complications with her pregnancy.
Azlina and I met in 1996 while we were still in college. I at UCDavis and she at Sacramento State. We met at a typical college party where she was classy enough to snub my clumsy flirting attempts. Lucky for me persistence paid off and days later she agreed to a date. Months later we decided to “Go Steady” as they used to say in the old’n days.
Our relationship worked despite her having grown up in a big city in Malaysia and me, an “orang putih”, who grew up on an egg farm in a tiny town in California. Azlina had qualities that attracted people to her. She was calm and genuine; Selfless and caring; Thoughtful and giving.
We stayed together despite my moving to a number of different places including Hawaii and eventually settled in Sacramento. We married in Sacramento August 5th, 2001.
Azlina gave birth to our first Son, Azrai, on June 13th, 2005. She decided to stay home with him with my blessing and found an amazing talent for being a mother. In addition to unlimited patience and love for her son, she had all the organization and multitasking skills (that I lack) required to be a modern mother. She used to refer to our son as her American Express Card as she never left home without him.
On December 23rd of 2009 Azlina gave birth to our Baby Girl Abygail (“Aby” after Azlina’s late father’s initials). Aby is shining ray of joy under her Mama’s care and like her brother has many of Azlina’s features including her nose. Azlina would complain that her children got her low profile nose common in South East Asia. My reply was always that I had married that nose and was glad the children had it.
Azlina and I spent the last three weeks in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, on vacation visiting her family. As with our other Children, we had planned to give birth to our 3rd child in Malaysia so that he would have duel citizenship. Azlina was 27 weeks pregnant and I was to leave Sunday the 26th to return to work later to return for the birth of our son. On Azlina’s bidding I agreed to stay on until Thursday the 30th.
With no warning, Azlina collapsed early in the morning of the 30th due to a ruptured Uterous, an extraordinarily rare medical condition. She and our unborn son died prior to the Ambulance arriving.
As per tradition in Malaysia, I was brought in to help wrap cloth around my wife and to bathe my son for the first and last time. Like our other children, Ash had his Mama’s nose. Ash was then wrapped in cloth and I held him while accompanying my wife’s body. We were transported by Van to a mosque for a brief prayer service and final showing, then to a cemetery where we buried them. Mourning family and friends sprinkled flowers and rose water on their grave.
For those of us who loved Azlina, the mourning has only begun. She lives on in her children’s faces, their laughter and their spirit. Azlina won’t be forgotten by those whose lives she touched.
For my part, it was the greatest honor and privilege of my life that she chose to spend her final fifteen years with me. I am and will always be grateful for the time we had together.
In Loving memory,
Azlina Abu Bakar
April 10th, 1972 - December 30th, 2010
Asyref Yusof Holmes
- December 30th, 2010
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